Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys

 That title has absolutely nothing to do with this blog. That's just Groundskeeper Willy's term for the French.

I really hated writing that last blog. I hate openly exploring my feelings. I considered deleting it, because it just seemed...I don't know, attention-seeking perhaps? It wasn't my intent, but despite my belief that our own battles are as traumatic to us as the seemingly more monumental ones of others, I still feeling like I'm whining. I prefer to keep a lot of those things to myself, but considering I've been doing that for years, I don't think it is always in my best interest until I finally let it out. Ugh. It's still not my favorite thing to do.

I decided that I wanted to write about something I love, something that makes me happy.

Jacob.

Ah, Jacob. Nothing makes me happier.

No it's not Pee-Wee; it's Jacob.

Many of you know all about the story of Jacob and me. However, some of you don't, and it gives me a tremendous amount of joy to recount our life together. It's pretty long, so I'll just start with how we met.

Now, I should mention that I'm not exactly proud of this story. Not all parts of it. It doesn't paint the best picture of me as friend, which almost totally out of my character, but I feel validated knowing that it worked out. And other parts of it are beautiful.

We actually first met around November of 2004, but only briefly. I lived the floor above him during my freshman year at Luther College. I'd been friends with a guy named Tyler and his roommates on that floor, and as we were walking through the hall one day (which smelled like the Frito-Lay factory covered with cigarette butts, yet was oddly comforting), I remember the door to Jacob's room opened and he stepped out. Now, the guy I was with was extremely tall, somewhere around 6'4 or so, so it didn't occur to me that the young man stepping out of his room was tall. It was winter, so underneath the layers of clothing (even though he wasn't planning on going outside; it's cold in those dorms), I didn't notice his extremely thin frame. I did notice two things. First of all, he was wearing socks. Bless his heart, he was wearing socks. It's well known amongst my family and close friends that I hate seeing bare feet, especially when I first meet people. Feet deeply disturb me on a level so deep that it's difficult to even articulate it. So, given that I wasn't preoccupied by his feet, I was able to notice something else: his beautiful blue eyes, framed by dark brown hair. And there was another thing: his name was Jacob. I have a brother named Jacob, so I'm comfortable with that name. But, that wasn't really important, because the truth is, I had a track record of being attracted to men with dark hair. And blue eyes. Whose names started with a "J." Man, did this kid fit the profile. Tyler, being an extremely nice person, politely introduced us, as he did with most people we would run across. But I couldn't forget Jacob. Something deep inside of me recognized a distant  possibility for a relationship; I mean, he fit the profile.. (Although it turns out Jacob forgot me pretty fast; he had been talking to some hottie from his hometown and wasn't over that yet.)

Time went on; I suffered a major FAIL in the dating world, and I wasn't really prepared to pursue it much at that point. My friend, Alison, on the other hand, hand found a likely candidate for a match while at the bar one night. You guessed it: it was Jacob.
However, there was a problem: they were so alike that they both shared the same awkwardness when it came to talking to prospective dates. Alison needed a mediator. I like helping (and talking), so I volunteered. At first, I figured all they needed was a little push to get the spark going, so I started to talk to Jacob.
At first, he seemed really boring. I mean, really boring. He and I shared almost no similar interests---all he knew about was small town Iowa, his buddies, baseball. Pretentious Katie couldn't believe he'd never gotten interested in the arts or read any classic literature, etc. Man, I was obnoxious. I thought this was going nowhere fast, as Alison's interest was fading too. However, I happened to turn and notice his little mini fridge. On the fridge was a poster. The exact same poster I had in my room. A poster that I absolutely adored. This:

Yes, Ash, you are awesome.

This is a photo of Jacob and I, shortly before we started dating.

Woah. This opened a whole new can of worms. Upon discussing movies and pop culture, I suddenly realized that this Jacob kid was a lot more interesting than I had first thought.
From then on, Jacob and I started spending more time together. At first, it was innocent: I'd invite both Jacob and Alison over, trying to get the two together. We'd do funny things, like sculpt goofy sculptures out of polymer clay or watch Free Willy and make fun of the crappy dialogue. Typical college things. But as time went on, all while Alison's interest was waning, my interest was mounting. Yet, I refused to act on any inclinations, because I really cared about my friend and I refused to go down in history as a home-wrecker. But we couldn't stop what we started. We couldn't seem to stay away from each other, whether it be watching on B movie or another, or just googling our friends' names for hours at a time. All of this, mind you, was as friends. I was still healing from past mistakes, and I didn't want to get involved with a guy that was "destined" for one of my closest friends.  But both of us secretly knew it was moving in a different direction. In fact, one night, Jacob even invited me to join him and Tyler to see the movie Sin City. This goes to show just how awkward Jacob could be with women. There's a lot of horrifying violence in this movie. Not to mention, penis violence.  But we had a good time nonetheless.
Then, one evening, while watching a light night airing of Charles Bronson in Death Wish 3, I realized that over the course of thirty minutes, I had gone from sitting on the edge of a chair to sitting next to Jacob. In a one-person recliner. I finally looked at him, and I knew I wasn't going to leave that room without kissing that boy. And I didn't. He kissed me.
We fell asleep in the recliner in each other's arms in that recliner that night.
And we've never been  apart since.

This was shortly after we met. I was still blonde and Jacob was still painfully skinny.

 Yes, there was backlash. Alison was mad for a while, but not forever, because she'd actually been losing interest in a man that couldn't get the courage to talk to her without the aid of alcohol. We're still friends. I felt terrible about hurting her, but I knew that Jacob was the kind of something wonderful that doesn't come along every day. Only five days later, he came to the astonishing conclusion that he was absolutely in love with me. I felt the same way. He also had come to another conclusion: I was, without a doubt, the girl he was going to marry.

Jacob's first gift to me? Wallet sized prints of this photo.

Wow. That was fast.
Too bad it took him another five years to actually go through with that plan. But better late than never, I suppose. I think that was healthy. It gave us time to grow up, learn about each other.

May 1st, 2010. Happiest day of my life.

We are HUGE nerds. Huge.

We've gone through a few rough patches---I had a hard time with college and friends and suffered from more than one bout of serious depression. Jacob got a taste of living the single life during his summer internship at Hormel and reconsidered being in a relationship (it worked out, though). We got our deposit stolen by a crazy landlord whose apartment we never lived in and had to take them to court. We've suffered and supported each other through the loss of family members and beloved childhood pets, bad career situations and health problems. And we couldn't be more grateful for all of the love and support we've received from our friends and family, who have been accepting of our relationship from the beginning. They've encouraged us with all of our endeavors.

Zach was Jacob's roommate. By the transitive property, he was mine as well.

We enjoyed great times during college with some amazing people, and we've gotten to do some amazing things.

This is the only picture of us Jacob keeps at work. He loves it.

This is where I spent almost all of college.

Trout Fry PLANET.

Jacob's never been known to be appropriate.

Jacob's first Cubs game (even though it was spring training.)

Jacob's 21st birthday at T-Bock's.

We love Halloween.

Ah, the great Tater-Mitts Adventure.

Good times spent with family. And drag queens.

Graduation from Luther College!

I was inspired to paint this after a trip to the bar.

Here we are in Puerto Rico, on our honeymoon.

American Gothic museum.

Mustache-maker.

Did I mention that we love Halloween?

Ah, the Florida Keys. I hope we go back sometime.

HOT AIR BALLOONS!!!!

This will be the picture in my obituary someday.

Stop ruining pictures, Jacob.

Television zombies.

We have a beautiful home, which we occasionally find times to clean. And we have a dog whom we love (and treat) like a child. We have an incredibly blessed life.

 And now here we are, facing something completely new. We'll continue to be a united front as we face infertility together, knowing that together, we can channel our overwhelming love for each other into loving and raising a child, no matter how that child arrives in our family. I have a very well-founded belief that Jacob will be nothing less than an incredible father, and part of my irritation with this entire situation is that I have to wait so long to see it in action.

For those of you who don't regularly interact with us, Jacob and I have an unusual way of relating to each other. We utterly adore one another, yet enjoy teasing each other mercilessly. The way I see it, my family has spent my entire existence finding ways to make fun of me, and, as Jacob puts it, his mother has been trying to embarrass him from the moment he was born. So we tend to frequently jab at each other; it's just a learned behavior from our childhood.
 But, I should also mention that Jacob is one of the most spot-on hilarious people I have ever met, so the teasing is usually pretty enjoyable for everyone. I've known funny people. Jacob rises above all of them. He's obscenely smart and witty (and it's a good thing only I know how far his mind has fallen into the gutter), but hides it under quiet demeanor. So, when he's on a role, I've been known to hurt myself laughing. Yet, he's also an easy target for me, because as smart as he is, sometimes he just doesn't think.
I could think of a hundred Jacob stories, but last evening provided me with a great one:
I went to see the play at the college yesterday afternoon. I realized that my friend Bill, with whom I had been in many past productions, was in town, partly to see the show, but mostly because his cat was getting spayed. So, after the show, I was talking to him and a few other friends, and upon realizing that none of us were doing anything, I extended my typical invitation of offering soup and movie. However, I still had to clear this up with Jacob, so I gave him a call. My message went something like this: "Hey Jacob, Bill's back in town because his cat is getting fixed, so he's really got nothing else to do tonight. I thought maybe him and David and Trapper could come over for some butternut squash soup and watch Wet Hot American Summer. I hope that's okay with you. I'm going to pick up some stuff from Target, so let me know if you're not alright with my plans." I finally arrived home to find the rug in the living room vacuumed, and things cleaned up. Upstairs, Jacob was freshly showered and the entire upstairs had been swept and vacuumed, and even the bathroom was clean. I asked why Jacob had made such an initiative. Apparently, he thought my friend Bill was coming for a sleepover. A sleepover. What kind of married woman invites other men over for sleepovers? AND, what kind of husband not only allows it, but cleans the house for such an event? It was just too funny; I couldn't stop laughing. Once my friends arrived, we all had a good laugh. We asked Jacob again, how on earth could you have gotten "sleepover" from that message? His response? "Well, Bill's cat was broke down and needed to get fixed, so I thought he was down on his luck and needed a place to stay." All of this with a smirk on his face.

I love him.