I'm incredibly self-loathing, but I don't particularly like bumming everyone out over it. Here's a cat cuddling with a capybara.

Ugh

So I keep grappling with the very real possibility that I'll never be able to have children. Not only am I suspicious that I'll never be able to conceive, despite four (very unsuccessful) rounds of Clomid, but I'm not sure if we'll ever be able to afford the other options.

It's incredibly...frustrating. I haven't been able to write about anything for a long time. I'm just so tired all the time, and the amount of hormones coursing through me is making it incredibly difficult to manage my chronic depression. I don't know; it's hard to give up on your life-long dream, but on the other hand, when is it time to accept that enough is enough?
Obviously, all of this is completely out of my control. I have to continue my endometriosis treatment, which could potentially result in pregnancy. And, I suppose we'll never stop trying. My hope isn't entirely gone, I'm just trying to base myself in reality. I always need a game plan; that's how I roll.

So, to clarify, I'm not having a pity party. I'm just being realistic. And I'm seething with hormones (which just autocorrected to "holiness"). It makes for a less-than-appealing blog update.