Curses

It's Friday the 13th. Yes. It makes so much sense now.

I had an incredibly traumatic morning. It didn't even start out normal. I mean, I don't have a voice at all right now, and we're opening in a week. So, enter the stress of not having a voice. Well, I decided, with my omnipotent wisdom, that I needed more medicine and more tea and, hell, I needed it now. Also, a dry erase board, so I could stop talking. I had been feeling a little more sick than usual, even nauseous, so medicine would be a good thing.
So, I get up, I shower, I get into my car, and I start driving to Walmart (being that it is the cheapest place to buy medicine and Organic Throat Coat Tea). At just under a block away, I'm hit by a painfully familiar feeling: I'm having an intestinal attack. What follows is a stream of consciousness account of my morning. I need to write it down, because I'm still kind of in shock and I have to process it.
Damn.
I shouldn't have had that wine last night. It must have had something in it that triggered this...damn.
What do I do now?
I know that I need to be home. I can't be driving anymore, or else I'm going to get into an accident. I white-knuckle it back home, but even as I'm nearing my house, I feel my mind starting to detach. This is one of the worst things that could happen; it means that I might lose consciousness. It's only happened one other time, and that was the time I had to be rushed to the ER.
Okay, so I'm terrified.
Thankfully, I make it back to my house, to my garage, and....I'm stuck. I need some pain medication fast. I foresee this turning into a really frightening episode.
Shit.
Shit.
SHIT.
Oh, God, this hurts.
I need to get into the house. I have to get that medication so that I can handle this a little better. I used to take Benadryl just so I could sleep through part of it.
Maybe I could text David? He's sleeping and has to work tonight, but surely it wouldn't take much to just run downstairs to get my pills for me?
Okay, now I just wait.
Waiting.
Ugh, I can't wait this long.
Maybe I can quickly run into the house. I mean, these episodes work like contractions; there's always a lull after a few minutes. If I time it right, I can make it inside.
Shit. I forgot that changing positions makes it worse. Maybe I can still make it to the house, though. It's just a backyard away.
Oh, hello grass. Would you like me to vomit on you now? No, I think I'll save that for later; too much energy would be expended doing that right now and I'm starting to lose my grip on reality.
Wow, the grass is really green right now.
Why can't I seem to move?
Oh, this is so incredibly painful. Ow. OW. GOOD GRIEF THIS HURTS.
Grass? Pretty grass.
Maybe I should just lay down.
If Jacob were here, I would be at the hospital right now.
Wait, was that a car driving by? Can they help?
Wait, I can't call for help. I don't have a voice.
....
...
...
...
Why am I in the grass?
...
...
...
Oh, I have a purse.
Wait! I have a phone. Maybe I could call someone.
David's in the house! I need to call him.
Shit, he didn't answer. Whatever, I'll call him again.
THANK GOD! I can barely squeeze words out, but I manage to get out the words, "Help me!"
Suddenly I hear noise and perk up. David's there. What's going to happen now? He can't possibly pick me up.
Oh good lord, he's picking me up.I hope he's not judging my underwear choice today. It's pretty heinous.
Wait, now I'm in the other garage...am I on the freezer? Yes, I'm on the freezer. Where's Da----oh, there he is. Oh, and now I'm being picked up again.
I don't think anyone has ever picked me up like this before. Well, not in my adult life anyway.
Oh, here's the couch.
Oh God, I'm going to vomit. DAVID I'M GOING TO VOMIT.
Bucket? Ah, bucket, sweet bucket.
I hate throwing up.
I am freezing. I'm still wearing my shoes and my coat, but yes, I will accept this blanket.
Yes. I would like Codeine now. Thank you.
Please don't leave me. I can't be alone. Thank you. I am so sorry that you have to be here for this.

Ok, now I'm going to sleep....


At this point, I passed out.

Ugh, I really hated this. This may have been the most awkward, horrible thing in the world to happen to me. And once again, it's horribly awkward to have to put a friend through this (particularly a friend who happens to very emotionally vulnerable right now). I wish I didn't have to put anyone through this. Or put myself through this. I really need answers.
How am I supposed to open a daycare with all those little children, if I'm going to pass out and abandon them?
How will I be able to parent?
How will I be able to do anything of value?

Once again. I am so exhausted.
And I'm still freaking out.