"I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's weird and pissed off, whatever it is."

I had a follow up appointment today. I knew it was going to be...interesting. I have hazy memories of what my doctor tried to tell me, post-surgery, but I also have memories of dancing in competitions and working in erotic films that were concocted by my drug-addled brain. 

It's weird to think that one hundred years ago, if anyone had the chance to see the parts of my body that I've seen, they'd be moments away from death. 

So, here's what I learned:

As my doctor put it, I have a WILD PELVIS. It's a hot mess in there, or at least it was. There were tons of adhesions and endometrial spots. There was a huge 8 x 10 cm endometrioma INSIDE my right ovary. My ovaries and tubes were twisted and mangled and pretty much my entire pelvic region was an absolute hot, hot, hot, sweltering, burning, smoldering, ugly mess. 

Except my uterus. My uterus is oddly fine. Which is extremely good news, I suppose.  And there's nothing malignant. Which is fantastic. 

I'm also fortunate because my physician is skilled enough that he was able to carefully extract the chocolate cyst (not nearly as delicious as it sounds) without damaging the surrounding ovarian tissue. This is really a feat; most doctors would just remove the entire ovary. And I need those ovaries. 

All of this work on my interior means I was entirely validated in feeling exhausted and miserable. I guess I didn't really comprehend how intensive this surgery was, because to me, "out-patient" means you get a fat node removed from your head (don't judge, you guys.)

With Jacob there (who kept starting bizarre conversations while we were waiting), it was nice to be able to openly discuss our options. In a few weeks, I'll need to start Lupron, which, while it will kill off the microscopic endometriosis, will also cause me to go into temporary menopause and become severely depressed and forgetful. I can't wait.

Again, we discussed the option of trying to conceive naturally. However, a new issue is the increased risk of ectopic pregnancy, which we all have ZERO interest in seeing happen. So IVF is officially our best and safest option... But we have a few months to get a new insurance plan for me while I'm on Lupron-emotional-health-killer. 

(My doctor did appreciate my joke about joining a retiree knitting circle since I'd be in temporary menopause. I don't think he gets many jokes from his patients.)

All of this was a bit overwhelming. I just are possibly the biggest, most decadent bowl of frozen yogurt on land, sea, or sky. I feel better; I'm just the type of person who needs time to process things. I also like dessert. 

I was going to rant about something, but I'll save it for a day when I wear my "Shut Up About Babies" shirt. I might wear that shirt when I run my half marathon...

So, who wants to see something gross? I have pictures of my uterus. It seriously looks like the replicating alien from John Carpenter's The Thing. I'm not kidding. It's terrifying. 

This is your last warning. I'll just leave this at the bottom of the post. It's hard to even tell what it is, but I have the feeling MacReady would shoot it if he saw it. 

Okay, here's my pre-surgery pelvis. The dark spots are endo, the white things are my ovaries. It's a mess. I'm glad it's all cleaned up now.