Hello once again.

So, where do I start?

I think the last time I actually blogged (there's that word again: blogged. I don't think I like it, but I must use it for lack of a better option), we were at dress rehearsal for Rent.

Rent might have been one of the most meaningful pieces of theater in which I have ever participated. I cried regularly during the performance, I mean, during the sad parts (you know, like when Angel dies. David really sold it). Which, as it were, only made the show more intense for the audience. Even though I played a real bitch, I could feel the character morph and develop every night, which was absolutely remarkable to me, considering the type of character Maureen is. Oh, the whole thing was just beautiful. And, not to mention, most of Austin saw my bare ass. Who wouldn't be proud of that? As one old lady put it: "The city of Austin is lucky that you have a cute butt."

Seasons of  Love

I've bonded deeply with a lot of people involved in the show, and now that it's over, I feel a little empty. Okay, I feel pretty empty. I like being able to use art for a purpose, and there's always a bittersweet release once that's been accomplished. Mmmmm.....I might go pester Jacob for a hug.

Oh and I forgot: we had at one point discussed raising money for a charity called BCEFA (Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS), and after our first week, I actually remembered. So, during the second weekend of the run of the show, we gave a little speech at curtain and ended raising $736.06 for sufferers of HIV/AIDS and other illnesses. I'm so proud of the theater-going community here in Austin. I have no idea what The Sound of Music could possibly contribute to charity, but maybe I'll figure it before that show opens.
I'm in that show too. Just a nun. No big thing. I think I'll spend the majority of that show missing the camaraderie I enjoyed during Rent.  Then, I'll be taking a theater break. Jacob needs it; I'm not sure if I need it, but I love my Jacob.

Also, I just spent the last weekend with what seemed like every person I've ever known. Really, it was just my family, Jacob's family, Kendra Fay, and Zach and Holly Nordby. But overall, six people were staying here at once. Oh, and David too. Plus Jacob's mom and step-dad came as well, and they brought us the full bed that Jacob's dad got us a year ago but couldn't transport. So now, David has a real bed and not an air mattress. I feel like such a good hostess now. Or, landlady would be a more appropriate term.

Our two year anniversary was on Tuesday. Unfortunately, Jacob got extremely sick that day. Extremely. Like, temperature of 102 and potential pneumonia (I think it might actually be pneumonia, but he won't admit it.) So, Thursday night, we enjoyed dinner at the Old Mill. It was really nice just to go out and be together. Whenever we spend time together, it's always in front of the TV. I hate that. I really don't want to get into that habit, so I'm hoping that with summer coming, we become more active again. We used to ride our bikes a lot. Or, at least walk...you know, back from the bar....

I'm still working on my daycare; I have an orientation class Monday night. I was at Barnes & Noble yesterday to buy Madeline a third birthday present----I got her Madeline (shocker!) and The True Story of the Three Little Pigs--- and I realized how few children's books I have. There are so many good ones; I need more books around here. Maybe that'll keep the girls occupied better when they're here. We tried to bake cookies the other day, but really, we ended up making one giant octopus cookie and pestering David about being a mermaid. But at least we listened to some good music and had some fun.

David got some movies from his house the other day, movies that I apparently need to see.  Since we end up spending most of our daytime hours together, we tend to watch movies or Dr. Who and talk about artsy things. Well, one of the movies he insisted upon was Wit, starring Emma Thompson. Emma Thompson also stars in Stranger Than Fiction, another favorite of mine. It was an absolutely brilliant movie. It present the story of an academic, a woman who devoted her life to the study of John Donne (whom I studied a bit, but not nearly to the level of the character), a 17th century poet who explores life and death in the abstract, yet is suddenly faced with stage 4 ovarian cancer, which ultimately leads to her death. The character's steely conviction is something to which I can't relate; I don't think I've nearly the strength of character to fight something of that gravity. But I'm positive that David did not expect the reaction he got from me. I wept. I sobbed. Gut-wrenching, painful sobs. Something in that movie hit something so deep and frightening within me that I couldn't help myself. I absolutely fell apart. I couldn't even describe why it was so significant and so frightening, but so many pieces of it echoed things that I have experienced or seen others experience. I felt connected to a greater experience, the experience that women encounter in terms of disease and modern medicine. All the the time. I don't even have cancer and I still have experienced many of the things that the character did. Oh, I could go on, but I think I'll tear up. I'm not nearly as verbose as some; most of my thoughts and feelings never develop into actual words, just tears. I can't seem to help myself.

I also can't seem to help myself in terms of feeling...blue. Sad. The show, which I've been devoted to since January, is over. My uterus is still empty, and I'm still suffering from the same money pit of problems. Jacob is still a little grumpy from me being gone all the time. However, as I've been hearing an awful lot of Florence and the Machine lately:

"It's always darkest before the dawn."