MOTHER OF DWAGONS

Today, the Minnesota house passed a same-sex marriage bill. As many did, I rejoiced. I was completely and utterly elated. This is the Minnesota I always wanted to live in, and I'm proud of all the effort we've made in terms of changing our world for the sake of love and family.
However, as I was watching the live stream of the house debate, nothing infuriated me more than watching opponent after opponent describe the function of marriage as producing offspring. Not creating a loving family or a healthy partnership, but successfully reproducing. Being a straight married woman, I generally am not marginalized in society. I rarely face ridicule or disdain for my intrinsic traits. But, my infertility seems to suggest I am the lesser.
I recognize that I have not faced even a modicum of oppression compared to my friends in the LGBTQ community; the courage with which they face their entire lives just for the sake of love and mere existence is astounding. But it doesn't stop the deep and bitter resentment I feel whenever I hear that argument. It's terribly alienating.
It hasn't helped my outlook that I've been almost entirely bed-ridden for the last two days. I didn't see this one coming; I thought I'd avoided it. But...holy shit. I...almost couldn't take it. It was one of the weird scary ones---I momentarily blacked out walking up the stairs. But fortunately, I fell forward on my hands and knees. It mostly just scared me. But, oh good grief, it hurt so much last night. I almost made Jacob take me to the ER, if for nothing more than just a morphine drip. He talked me out of it, which definitely saved us some money. But I'm struggling with the whole "moving around" thing this week. It kind of added insult to injury while listening to the debate today.



Mother's Day also bugs me every year. I tend to get really sad and reflective upon my failures as a mother. However, I've made a resolution: none of that crap this year. I am done with that. I actually have been doing a lot better in terms of my depression, and my state of limbo has eased up a bit. I am feeling better, BETTER! Better is...for lack of another word...better. I might be...okay. Things will be okay. I don't need to establish my value by the state of my uterus (which sounds ridiculous and archaic, but it's something I struggle with). I am an excellent dog mother to Linus. I've been a very successful nanny and substitute teacher. I've provided many friends with mothering love and support. Some...more than others. I think that's reasonable for my current situation. Yes, I'm not a biological parent yet, but I am still valuable for the woman that I am.

And there's always hope that I can still achieve the rank of "Mother of Dragons."